


love me with all of your heart

by andierega



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, OCs - Freeform, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, invisible snufkin (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 08:33:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18890974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andierega/pseuds/andierega
Summary: Snufkin has always had a knack for hiding his feelings, especially when hiding his feelings can led to rather unhealthy circumstances. After a confrontation, Snufkin leaves Moominvalley early, and his strategy of avoidance is exactly what leads to the one thing Snufkin never saw himself doing: confessing.





	1. i see everything, snufkin

**Author's Note:**

> as a fair warning, the fic may update sporadically and chapter lengths will vary!

On this particular autumn morning, the only noise to be heard was Snufkin's harmonica, accompanied by the quiet flow of the river beneath the bridge. It was still very early, but Snufkin desperately needed something to distract him. He had been having dreams, very odd dreams, dreams that bothered him, but he ignored them. They are just dreams, after all.

Winter was coming very soon, and he would be off to the south, as always. Every winter, he parts with Moomintroll. It was always such sweet sorrow. It was routine, but in recent years, leaving made Snufkin feel rather guilty. He needed time alone, it was always refreshing, but…

"Snufkin!" 

He looked up, a small smile on his face, as Moomin joined him on the bridge.

Snufkin tipped his hat. "Moomintroll."

"What are you doing up so early?" His friend asked, sitting beside him.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"Well, I heard you. I was wondering if you were leaving already." 

"I'm not. I just… Woke up early." An obvious lie.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Moomin suddenly stood. He beckoned for Snufkin to follow him.

"Where are we going?" Snufkin asked, following.

Moomin shrugged. "Well, since you'll be leaving soon, I thought we could go on one more adventure… And nobody else is awake, so it's really just us."

With that, the two went on a silent walk through the forest, only stopping to admire the beauty of the fall colors. 

"Ohh, Snufkin, Snufkin!" Moomin said, his tail waving in excitement. He picked up a few leaves that had fallen from the trees and placed them on Snufkin's hat, to replace the now-wilted flowers. He stood back, smiling as he admired his work. Snufkin couldn't comprehend the feeling Moomin's excitement made him feel. He hid his face with his newly decorated hat.

"Thanks, Moomee…" He said quietly, his voice cracking.

Moomin laughed, taking Snufkin's hand as they continued to walk. Snufkin's face was getting red. That was a bad sign. He wasn't even paying attention to whatever Moomin was saying.

And then, he tripped.

He wasn't looking, too afraid to let Moomin see how red his face was, and he tripped over a tree root. Moomin caught him.

"Oh, Snufkin! Are you alright?" Snufkin stared at him. "...Snufkin…?"

Snufkin began to laugh. It was an uncontrollable laugh, the kind that made you cry, the kind where you can hardly breathe. Snufkin wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying, actually.

"Oh, you scared me!" Moomin said, laughing as well. He hadn't let go of Snufkin yet.

"Sorry," Snufkin said, his laughter beginning to cease. "I needed a good laugh, anyways."

So, they both stopped laughing, and, with Snufkin still in Moomin's arms, stared at each other. 

"...you really have to leave?" Moomin asked. He hadn't given much protest to Snufkin's travels in a long time. 

"Yes, Moomin. I always do, I-"

"You need time alone, I know."

Snufkin cupped his face. "I'll be back. I always return in spring. Besides, I'll miss you, too. I always do."

 

"So, when are you gonna admit it?"

Snufkin screamed and nearly fell over as he heard a voice in what he assumed was his empty tent. Little My was sitting on a tin box, her arms crossed, giving him a very mischievous look.

"Little My! I told you not to-"

"Oh, I know, just answer my question!"

"What? Admit what?"

Little My shook her head. "You are so dumb. Admit it, you like Moomin!"

Snufkin almost fell over again. "I don't like Moomin! Well, yes, yes, I do, he's my best friend, but not like that!"

"Then why'd you get all defensive? Why's your face so red? Did the walk in the forest this morning mean nothing?"

"What?! You saw that?"

"I see everything, Snufkin! You two are so in love, it's disgusting!"

"Get out of my tent." 

"Only if you admit it."

"Why are you in my tent, anyways?"

Little My patted the box beneath her. "Moominmamma wanted me to bring this to you. They're cookies. Moomin made them himself."

Snufkin picked her up and placed her outside. "Thank you. Now, shoo."

He opened the tin, looked at the cookies, and quickly shut it again, his face going red.

That was it. He was leaving early this year.

 

Night had fallen. Snufkin was all packed, and was going to leave without word to anyone. But first, he had something to do.

He gazed up at Moomin's window, holding a letter, debating on whether or not he should really do this. He dropped his bag and began to climb the ladder, hoping Moomin's window wasn't locked. It wasn't.

Carefully, he climbed into his room, placing the letter on the table beside his bed. He would read it in the morning, he hoped. 

With that, Snufkin practically dove out the window, grabbing his bag and making a run for it to the south.


	2. you've let him down twice

"I don't know, Snorkmaiden… It didn't sound very romantic."

"Oh, Moomin, you're just as dumb as Snufkin!" Little My exclaimed.

Moomin let out an offended gasp. "Snufkin is not dumb! He knows everything!"

"Let me see the letter again," Snorkmaiden said. "See, look, could it be any more obvious?"

_Dear Moomin,_

__

__

I've left early this year. Don't worry, I'll be back on the first day of spring, as always, I just needed to get away sooner than I expected to. I'll tell you all about my travels once I return to you. 

_I'll miss you dearly, just as much as I know you'll miss me. You'll forever be in my thoughts._

__

__

_\- Snufkin_

"He scribbled some things out!" Little My said. "I can't make out what it says.."

Moomin snatched the letter away. "Snufkin is just my best friend."

Little My let out an obnoxious laugh. "You really don't see it?"

"See what?"

"Moomin, he always looks at you in a way that's reserved specifically for you. Don't you notice how red he gets when you touch his hand, on purpose or on accident?" Snorkmaiden said.

"Yeah, or the way he smiles at you! When he talks about you, he gets all soft!" 

Snorkmaiden placed her hand on Moomin's shoulder. "He really loves you, Moomin."

 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid!_

It had been a few days since Snufkin left. He had been in the same place for two of those days, staying in his tent, agonizing about what he had just done. He left Moomin, with no word, again, just because he avoids his problems instead of facing them. Stupid, stupid Snufkin.

He thought about his friend. Moomin was a good friend, always offering comfort and help if Snufkin ever actually let his own emotions show, and Snufkin was grateful, even if he never opened up. 

Sighing, Snufkin opened the tin that Little My had given to him. He didn't really like sweets all that much, but he had eaten some of the cookies anyways; they were quite good. And they were in the shape of hearts. It was a simple little thing, but it drove Snufkin crazy. 

"Is it possible-? No. But… No, no. It's just a coincidence," He told himself. But the thought made him feel something, something he couldn't really understand; he hadn't felt it before. 

After several hours of pacing around outside, thinking, and talking to himself, he made a startling realization, one that only made him feel worse for leaving so early.

 

It was now the middle of December. Snufkin had been walking for weeks. He couldn't remember the last time he slept. He wanted to avoid sleeping, to avoid those dreams of his, and to avoid being alone with his own thoughts. Besides, in his haste to leave, he hadn't realized just how unprepared he was for his trip, and had to save what little he had. 

He could tell that he was growing weaker. Walking took far too much effort. 

"Now, you won't even return to him," He mumbled to himself. "You've let him down twice."

Stumbling, now, he continued on his way. He continued on his way and did not stop until the world began to fade to black.


	3. his stay is rather involuntary

He was back in Moominvalley. It was spring, and he was approaching the bridge, expecting to see his friend there, as always. Something felt off, however. He hadn't recalled ever seeing anyone has he walked, no bugs, no animals, no neighbors, nothing. Moomintroll wasn't even on the bridge, he noticed as he approached. Looking further, he realized Moomin was walking away from the bridge.

"Moomintroll!" Snufkin called, running to catch up with him. Moomin kept walking. "Moomin…?"

"What do you want, Snufkin?" Moomin hissed, stopping.

Snufkin blinked at him. "It's spring, Moomin. I'm here."

"You left."

"I.. always do."

"You left early. With no warning! Just a lousy letter."

"I'm sorry, Moomin, I-"

"You always do this. You leave with no goodbye. You don't care."

Snufkin tried to speak, but nothing came out. Moomin continued to accuse him of not caring, of never caring, as Snufkin desperately tried to explain himself, to no avail. The spring had long since turned into a very harsh winter. Moomin was gone, but Snufkin could still hear his voice. Actually, it was multiple voices, coming from everywhere, all at once. They were getting louder. Louder. Louder, _louder…_

 

Snufkin jolted awake, breathing heavily. He ran his hand through his hair. Just another stupid dream. The initial shock had gone away rather quickly, as he realized he had no idea where he was. Looking around, he took note of the fungus theme of the room. Light was shining through the single rounded window. 

He stood, pain suddenly spreading through his body, and he left the room. He was greeted by a narrow stairwell, which led to another door. Opening that one led out to a circular room, a small kitchen with a dining table in the center. Next to the dining table, a mat with a pillow and a blanket. There were two other doors, aside from the front door. 

"Oh, howdy!" A voice startled him. Sitting at the table was an odd looking person. He had mushrooms growing out of him. Snufkin thought that couldn't be healthy at all. "How are you feeling?"

Snufkin stared at him. The stranger nodded.

"Right, forgive me. My name is Bottie. I saw you passed out on the path on my way home and I had to help you, looked like you fell over the cliff. You hit your head on something. Oh! Oh, here," He said, gesturing towards a plate of food across from him. "For you. You're probably hungry."

The mere mention of food made him painfully aware of how hungry he really was. He took a seat and, without thinking, dove right into the food. Then he realized Bottie was still there, and that he hadn't even thanked him or introduced himself.

"Ah, uh… Thank you, Bottie," He said, a bit embarrassed at his own behavior. "Snufkin. My name is Snufkin."

"Well, nice to meet you, Snufkin. A traveller, I assume?"

"Most that know me refer to me as a vagabond, but yes. Well, when winter comes, anyways."

"I see. Well, I regret to inform you that you can't go off just yet. Your head injury has to heal a little."

Of course. He wouldn't have left immediately either way, he would've taken some time to thank Bottie for his kindness and for not just leaving him to die, but he would've been on his way the same day, either way. Oh, how awful this situation was! How stupid he was. Stupid Snufkin!

"Oh, dear. You look rather troubled." Bottie's voice brought him out of his thoughts, which were heading right into self deprecation territory. 

"I'm not." An obvious lie. He'd be better at hiding his emotions if everything wasn't so awful.

Bottie nodded slowly. "I see, I see. Well, Snufkin, since you'll be here a while, I'd be glad to become an acquaintance. Perhaps I could show you around my farm, when you've finished eating?"

Snufkin nodded. Anything to keep him busy, to distract his mind, was something good.

And once he had finished, Bottie led him outside. To Snufkin's surprise, his house was shaped like a giant mushroom. Upon leaving, the two were greeted with the sight of seemingly never ending crops, split by a single dirt path, which led to a small, cozy cottage, a bit of a ways away.

With nothing else to do, Snufkin followed Bottie down the path, past the cottage, and over to a lonely well. 

"Where were you headed off to, anyways?" 

"Wherever my feet would've taken me," Snufkin shrugged. 

Bottie nodded. "I see. You don't stay in one place for very long, I assume?"

"No, I don't," He said, before adding, "Well, there is Moominvalley…"

"Moominvalley? Beautiful place. I've only been there twice, once with a good friend."

"Yes, I return every spring," Snufkin stated. So much for distractions. "I leave when winter comes."

Their conversation was interrupted by a shout, as whoever lived in the little cottage ran to meet up with them. They also had mushrooms growing out of them. The two appeared to be the same species.

"Bottie! Who's this?" 

"This is Snufkin," Bottie answered. "I found him on my way back home." 

The stranger held out their hand. "Nice to meet you! I'm Pip."

Snufkin shook their hand. "Nice to meet you, Pip."

"How exciting! A visitor! We don't get many of those around here, you know!" 

Bottie's tail swished. "Well, his stay is rather involuntary. He has to heal, and I imagine that he'll be gone as soon as I give him the okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bottie and pip are my own ocs! they're mushroom people


	4. can i ask a question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to be dramatic but i would die for everyone leaving comments on this, i love you all, im very glad you enjoy this <3

In the two weeks that Snufkin had been on the farm, the three of them had formed a sort of routine. Bottie and Snufkin would wake, have breakfast, and then Bottie would join Pip to tend to their rather large farm. Snufkin played his harmonica to accompany them, and sometimes, Pip would bring their guitar, and they would have a bit of a show. Afterwards, the three would either go off on their own, play a game like cards or chess together, or tell stories. Often, when they went on their own, Snufkin thought about Moomin. Well, he did that when he wasn't alone. As a matter of fact, he only ever played Moomin's favorite songs, and most of his stories either involved Moomin or were Moomin's favorites. But, when he was alone, it was sad, guilty, the sort of longing that ached, negatively. 

During one of these moments, Snufkin was resting in a tree. 

"'Ello, Snufkin!" Pip's voice came from below him. Pip, as Snufkin was quick to learn, was rather nosy, and demanded answers to their questions immediately. Snufkin thought they were a bit like Little My, just a lot nicer. "Can I ask a question?"

"I suppose." 

"Who's this Moomin fella you keep bringing up?"

Snufkin wants to leave, now. But he can't. Bottie seems to know best, so there he'll stay. He picked up his hat and placed it on his face to hide any emotion he may show.

"My best friend, of course."

"You always speak very fondly of him."

"Well, of course I do. He's my best friend. Wouldn't you speak fondly of your best friend?"

Pip was quiet for a moment. "Well, yes, but… I don't speak that fondly of Bottie. I love him, I really do, but the way you speak about Moomin is different."

Oh, no. His feelings are obvious. Have they always been? Does Moomin know? Moomin probably hates him, then, for being such a hypocrite. Oh, woe is Snufkin! 

"Perhaps I just express the love for a friend in a much different way," Snufkin was losing his cool. 

"Ah, yeah, alright," Pip said in a very condescending tone. 

Yes, Snufkin _did_ love Moomin, much, much more than he should. At base level, they were best friends, but Snufkin felt something more, and he hated it. He doubted that Moomin felt the same, and even if he did, it would scare Snufkin even more. Snufkin was a vagabond, a lone wanderer with no attachment to anything or anyone, but he was hopelessly in love. It was horrible.

He would never admit it, but despite the pain and fear, Moomin was one of the few comforts Snufkin had left. 

 

"You do look rather troubled," Bottie said over their game of Go Fish (chosen by Bottie, as he had said it was the only thing he knew how to play). 

It was the evening, Pip had long since gone back to their cottage, and since it was much too early to sleep yet, Snufkin and Bottie decided on a game of cards. Snufkin _was_ a bit distracted; his mind couldn't think of anything but Moomin. But he wasn't going to have a therapy session with a person he had met two weeks ago.

"I'm just thinking about the game. You're very good at it."

"Go Fish can't be that hard."

"Three of hearts?"

"Go fish."

Snufkin let out a sigh as he collected a card from the deck. He was losing. 

Bottie shook his head. "You remind me of myself. When I was younger, that is, before I met Pip. Closed off, quiet, never seeking help from anyone? I'm a stranger to you, I know, but I want to help you, Snufkin."

Standing, Snufkin placed his cards in the deck and began to walk away. "I am going to sleep. Goodnight."


	5. dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are rather sensitive topics implied here, and there's angst, so be warned!

He had awoken from yet another dream. It was still dark. For a moment, he considered staying awake all night, until he heard clattering in the kitchen. Curious, he stood, cautiously making his way there. He was greeted by the smell of pastries, and a very messy Bottie.

"Hello, Snufkin!" He said, waving a paw caked with flour.

"H-Hello. Goodness, what are you doing?"

"Baking."

"This late at night?"

Bottie nodded. "I wake up from some very stressful dreams sometimes, so I just bake. And what about you?"

Snufkin walked across the room to sit at the table. "...dreams."

"I see," Bottie said solemnly, bringing a tray of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. He sat across from Snufkin. "You ever heard of going invisible?"

Snufkin nodded, taking a cinnamon roll. He had been invisible many times before, and sometimes, still went invisible. A few times, Moomin was there to make everything a bit better, but he was mostly alone every time. Snufkin suspected that that was also the very thing making him invisible. Fear, the fear of abandonment and loneliness, a fear he had felt his whole life.

"I've been invisible. You see, there was a boy, I loved him very much, but I suppose he didn't love me the same. And, anyways, I still have dreams about him. He was horrible," Bottie tapped the table. "You know, Snufkin, one of the most important things in life is communication. Pip and I learned that together. Everything is a lot less scary if you just talk it out. I'm not trying to find out every little tiny secret about you; actually, I'm not trying to find out anything. I just know you're troubled, and I can't just let it be."

They both went quiet. Snufkin thought for a minute. And another minute. And another. Many, many minutes pass.

He doesn't exactly realize it, but the floodgates had been opened. "I can't ever truly be free. Not with how I feel about Moomin. I've gotten too attached, it's only going to trap me. We're too different! Besides, it's terribly one-sided, how could Moomin ever love a fool like me?! Oh…!"

He rambled on and on. About Moomin, and how deep his affections went. How soft and cute Moomin was, how caring and kind he was, how he made Snufkin feel so calm and warm, something he hadn't felt much before. He went on about fear, of his crippling fear of being abandoned or forgotten, despite his need to be alone every now and again. He went on about his parents, Mymble and Joxter, and how negligent they had been, how those feelings had led to his fears, and inevitably, his habit of turning invisible. He went on about how, even in his darkest moments, Moomin was a constant comfort, and how much that scared him.

Bottie stopped him with a small gesture. Only then had Snufkin realized how much he had said. 

"Communication, Snufkin. From the look of it, Moomin does seem to share your feelings. But you'll never know if you don't talk to him about it. Just talk."

"How can you tell?"

Bottie stared at him. "Oh, please. You said he gave you heart shaped cookies? And he always softly compliments you? And he always finds ways to hold your hand or something? And-"

Snufkin held up his hands, telling Bottie to stop. "Okay, okay, so maybe he does."

Actually, now that Snufkin thought about it, maybe he really did. After all, why else would he be so upset when he leaves for winter? No one else ever is. Why else would Moomin find excuses to subtly cuddle with him, or subtly hold his hand? Why else would Moomin attempt flirts, only to fail and get very flustered afterwards? Why else…

He suddenly stood. Snufkin understood now, and he had a plan. "Bottie, how long until I can leave?"

"Well, I suppose you could leave in a few days, if you really wanted to. But won't Moomin still be hibernating? It isn't remotely close to spring."

"Well, will you help me with something?" 

"Certainly."

It had taken about an hour, and Snufkin was covered in flour and frosting, but his genius plan was complete. Gently, he arranged the fresh baked, heart shaped cookies into Moominmamma's tin, smiling as he did. Of course, they wouldn't be very fresh once they got to Moomin, but it was the thought that counted. Bottie seemed rather pleased.

"I think he'll really enjoy these."

Bottie had decided to go back to bed, leaving Snufkin to bring the tin back to his bag. And, of course, once one is alone, the adrenaline and the high of a joyous realization falters, and reality begins to settle. He sat down.

Could he really do this? Moomin was amazing, yes, and he understood most of the time, with his open mind and caring nature, but, Snufkin was… a lot to handle. Snufkin could hardly even handle himself, how could he expect Moomin to do it? He would feel guilty, just like he always did when he'd go invisible and Moomin had to help him. It wasn't fair. 

To leave early, whilst avoiding his problems as always, with nothing but a lousy letter, only to come back early with cookies and a long overdue confession, that had many strings attached in the form of Snufkin's own problems seemed very selfish. Maybe that was all Snufkin was. 

_Selfish._


	6. it isn't obvious to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for supporting this fic!! im sorry this chapter came out a little slow, and it may seem rushed, but i'll make it up somehow!

Moomin had awoken again. He was really getting tired of this waking up during winter. It was almost as if his waking up was significant to some sort of big plot. Perhaps he would talk to Snufkin about it later.  
Wait.  
 _Snufkin._  
He sighed. His best friend (and crush) was the source of all kinds of stress, currently. How could someone so terribly wonderful be so terribly stressful at the same time? Nobody could answer.  
Well.  
Maybe one person could.  
So, Moomin found himself trekking through the snow (which was strangely low this year, usually it completely covered the door to Moominhouse, but not this time.) towards the beach, and straight to the bathhouse.   
"Too-ticky!" Moomin called, knocking on the door. "Too-ticky?"   
Too-ticky seemed surprised when she finally opened the door. "Moomintroll? It's not unusual to see you awake during winter, but you've woken a little late this year!"  
"Late?"  
"Spring is in a week, I do believe."  
Moomin shook his head. "That isn't important right now. Too-ticky, can you help me?"  
"Perhaps. Here, come inside."  
Too-ticky brought him in and shared her famous-but-not-really-famous fish stew.   
“I’m troubled!” Moomin cried after just a few measley bites.  
“I don’t suppose your troubles have anything to do with Snufkin?”  
Moomin was taken aback. How could she possibly have guessed? She laughed a bit, shaking her head.   
“It’s rather obvious, Moomintroll.”  
“Oh, that’s what everyone else says! It isn’t obvious to me!”  
“That’s because you’re looking at it from the inside.”  
He sat there for a moment. A long moment. That made sense. Well, not really. It made a little bit of sense, and he felt as though he were closer to having his problems resolved, but he wasn’t quite there. Actually, now he was just more confused.   
“I don’t understand.”  
“I know, Moomintroll. Love is a confusing thing.”  
Love?   
Well, he supposed his relationship with Snufkin could be considered love, but it wasn’t a traditional love, not at all. He loved his friend, and he knew (for the most part) that Snufkin loved him. But they were friends. Though, he supposed friendship and love were a lot more complicated than they seemed. After all, he thought he loved Snorkmaiden, but it really was just admiration for a friend.   
Actually, now that he thought about it…  
Snorkmaiden hadn’t ever treated him with such soft, sweet affection as Snufkin did.  
Oh.  
“Oh,” Moomin gasped softly. He was beginning to understand.  
Too-ticky nodded. “You know, he never shuts up about you.”  
Moomin blushed a bit. Snufkin didn’t seem to be the sort of person to talk about someone else when they weren’t around, whether it was good or not. But there was something keeping him from being truly happy about this new discovery.  
“But I don’t want to keep him from being free. You know how much that means to him.”  
Before Too-ticky could speak, there was a knock at the door. He heard a familiar voice as Too-ticky opened the door, but whoever it was was talking much too quietly for him to make out who it was.  
“Oh, yes, he’s here now.”  
The stranger gasped, then asked something in their still-hushed voice.  
Too-ticky moved to let them in, and,  
 _"Snufkin?”_  
“Moomintroll!”  
Moomin put his barely-eaten stew down, standing and approaching his friend as Too-ticky grabbed her fishing rod and left them alone. And then, Snufkin did something very odd.  
He hugged Moomin.  
Moomin hugged him back, of course, but it took him by surprise. Well, his very presence took him by surprise.  
“Snufkin, what are you doing here? Spring isn’t for another week, you’re never this early-”  
“Oh, Moomintroll, my dove, I had to. I couldn’t handle the wait for much longer.”  
 _‘My dove?’_  
He began to worry. “Are you okay? Are you ill? Injured? What happened while you were away?”  
Snufkin sat in one of the two chairs, dropping his bag in front of him, gesturing for Moomin to do the same. “I may have sustained just one small injury, but I’m fine. I had a… revelation.”  
“A revelation?” Moomin sat, wondering if maybe they had had the same revelations, though it was unlikely, since Snufkin was always having revelations.   
His friend leaned over, opened his bag, and retrieved a tin. “I’ve got something for you.”  
“Moominmamma’s tin?” Moomin asked, giving him a little smile.  
Snufkin laughed a bit. “No, no. I made you something.”  
Moomin opened the tin, peering in. They were cookies, heart-shaped, just like the ones he had made for Snufkin. He blushed a bit, looking back at the mumrik. Snufkin’s smile made him blush even more.   
“Okay,” He said, putting the tin down. “What’s going on?”  
“I do believe we have a long overdue conversation to have, Moomin.”  
“W-What about?” Now he was getting worried.  
Snufkin reached over and took his paw. “I am very much in love with you, my dear Moomintroll.”


	7. i can't love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize that this took so long, i sort of lost motivation to write it, but here you are! unfortunately, this is the last chapter, hopefully it doesnt feel too rushed ;o; ... i do have ideas for other fics, though ;)

Moomin was shocked. Sure, everyone had told him, and he had thought maybe it was the case, but actually hearing it out of Snufkin's mouth was… surprising. He stared at his.. friend (?) for a long while, trying to process this, noticing that Snufkin was beginning to look panicked, his hand squeezing Moomin's paw even tighter, his tail swishing.

"No, n-no, Snufkin, you're okay. You are fine. You didn't mess up, just give me a moment." 

Moomin held Snufkin's hand in both of his paws, taking a deep breath.

Snufkin was in love with him.

Snufkin was in love with him!

"I am very much in love with you, as well, Snufkin. Have been for… a while."

He seemed genuinely surprised as well. His tail stopped swishing, and he seemed to freeze. The two sat in silence for a moment. And then, Snufkin let out a choked sob. Moomin was taken aback; he had never seen Snufkin cry, other than when Snufkin was invisible. 

"Oh, Snufkin," Moomin hugged him. "It's alright, Snuf."

"No. No, it isn't," Snufkin cried. "It's horrible!"

"How so?"

He sobbed again, exclaiming, "I'm not supposed to love you! You're my best friend, but… I'm supposed to be alone, I can't love you! It's only going to… I'm… Attachments only lead to hurt."

"Snufkin, I wouldn't ever hurt you."

It had to have been an hour of sobs and hugs before Snufkin broke the hug and finally looked back up at Moomin. Despite his crying, how red he was, how red his eyes were, how much he was sniffling, Moomin still thought he was absolutely beautiful.

"I'm sorry," Snufkin said, drying his eyes with his sleeve. "This was supposed to be much nicer."

Moomin shook his head. "Don't apologize, it's alright. Why don't we just talk?"

He nodded. "Right. That was my original plan. I'm just selfish, Moomin. How can I leave you every winter and expect that you'll be there, in spring, when I return? It's… unfair. Won't you get tired of waiting?"

"No. I wouldn't. I could never! I don't mind waiting, Snufkin. You need winter to be alone, I understand."

"What about when I leave unexpectedly, here, in Moominvalley? I leave you so I can be alone."

"I understand that, too. It's okay, Snufkin, really. If our friendship alone can be built on understanding and trust, then so can our relationship! We just need to… communicate better, is all."

Snufkin was pondering. He always had a certain look when he would think about something Moomin said. Moomin thought it was quite cute. Well, Snufkin himself was quite cute. 

He always knew communication was hard for Snufkin, and while the mumrik had gotten better at it, he still had a long way to go. But Moomin was willing to help if he could, and he wanted to make this relationship work. And he knew Snufkin did, too. 

"You'll… be there for me, right? You'll help, if at all possible…?"

Moomin nodded. "Just as I've been doing as your best friend."

 

Of course, the two had to go back home eventually. Snufkin couldn't set up his tent, so he had to stay inside with Moomin. Surprisingly, he decided to sleep in the same bed, and even more surprising, he managed to stay for the week. Moomin had fallen back into hibernation in the middle of the week, and Snufkin managed to make it through by sleeping in and taking multiple naps throughout the day. 

It was nice. Moomin was warm and very soft, and despite being in a house, with other people (even though they were all asleep) Snufkin felt safe and comfortable. It was rather out of character for him, he thought.

The first day of spring had soon arrived, and Moomin was surprised to be greeted by a sleeping Snufkin right beside him, before remembering the last few days of winter. He smiled to himself.

As if he had realized that Moomin was staring at him, Snufkin awoke, and upon remembering what happened, he stretched, smiling, and wrapped his arms around Moomin.

"Hello, Moomintroll."

"Good morning. It's the first day of spring."

"We've broken our little tradition. Would you like to meet me on the bridge anyways?"

Moomin chuckled. "Maybe after breakfast." 

After a few more moments of cuddling, the two rose, heading downstairs. 

"Good morning, Moomin," Moominpappa greeted, doing a double take as Moomin and Snufkin both sat at the table. "Eh, Snufkin? What are you doing here already?"

"I arrived a little early this year. I've been here for about a week."

Moominpappa nodded as Moominmamma left the kitchen, bringing coffee. 

"Oh, hello, Snufkin," She said, giving him an almost knowing look. "Coffee?"

"Yes, thank you."

It was at this point Moomin realized he was going to have to tell his parents that he and Snufkin were a couple. Would they be surprised? Probably, he thought. But, he had an idea. He waited until Moominmamma had joined them at the table.

"So, Snufkin, you should tell us about your… winter adventures," He said, nudging him with his elbow.

Snufkin nodded, seeming to understand. "Well, I got into a bit of trouble at the beginning. A stranger saved me, luckily, but I was injured, so he had me stay a while. Bottie, if I remember correctly, and his little friend, Pip. I learned something rather important. Well.. A few things, actually."

He looked at Moomin with a soft grin, which Moomin was quick to return. Moominmamma and Moominpappa exchanged glances, before looking back to the boys with a silent understanding. 

"It was about time." Moominmamma stated.

Afterwards, they took a walk to the bridge, hand in hand. Snufkin let go just before they arrived, and went ahead and crossed to the other side. As he disappeared into the forest, Moomin heard his harmonica. A new spring tune. As if nothing had ever happened, Moomin waited.  As if nothing had happened, Snufkin appeared. 

"Snufkin!" Moomin exclaimed, as he always did.

"Moomintroll!" Snufkin did something he had never done before, and he took off running to meet Moomin on the bridge. And once he did, he nearly knocked him over, bringing him into a very warm embrace. 

And then, another surprise.

He gently grabbed Moomin's face and pulled him into a kiss. Of course, it was an awkward angle, but Moomin ignored it. Snufkin was kissing him, how could he think of anything else?!

"I don't know if you know how long I've been waiting for you to do that."

"Oh, I can guess."


End file.
